There's Always A Choice

As kids we used to have sort of a "fun" argument with my mother. She would say that everyone always has a "choice" and we would try to think of situations where you wouldn't really have a choice. She always seemed to win.

Granted, the choices were sometimes ludicrous, but they were indeed choices.

The conversation always seemed to start with one of us saying that someone made us mad. Mom used to say that no one can MAKE you mad. That, is a choice. Those simple words said to me repeatedly through my life ended up turning my marriage from bumpy to happy a few years ago. Thank you Mom.

I learned that changing someone else to be what you want them to be is damn near impossible. You can only change the way you react to them. I know I have mentioned this before. This doesn't just apply to significant others, it applies to Mother's, Father's, Children, other family and friends. It applies to everyone who you think "just doesn't get it".

I think when struggling with weight loss there are two types of choices we constantly make. One stems from inside, and it is the way we are "conditioned", and the other stems from outside. The friends and family.

While I won't say that family and friends can't change, I will say that you can't change them. They have to want to change themselves. They have to make that choice and it is THEIR choice...not yours. You can only set an example and hope they either follow along, or at least respect the path you have chosen. If they don't do either then you do have choices:

1) Respect them for who THEY are. After all, your connection to them is based on who they are now and not who you want them to be.
2) Weed the garden. This one is an easier decision with friends, and may be pretty near impossible with family, but a good friend of mine likes to say. "Friends are like gardens...every now and then they need a little weeding".

You ultimately choose who is in your life with you. Sometimes to say it is a "choice" may seem as ludicrous as the arguments my mother would make, but they are still choices.

Make your choices carefully and try to surround yourself with supportive people.

I wouldn't weed anyone out until you have tried changing things from your end though. I sincerely believe that the world changes when you change the way you react to it.

If I stop acting like a "trigger" then guess what? I don't trigger people. Shocker I know. It is so simple and yet it has taken me over four decades to figure it out.

The other major weight loss choice is obviously, the food we put in our mouth on a daily basis. I have been thinking a lot about this one. Especially when it comes to "going out for dinner".

For years I have sat in meetings where people have suggested strategies for dining out. "Order first", "eat salad first", "skip the bun", "have your salad dressing on the side", "share dessert", etc. They are all great and important suggestions, and I have even spouted off a list of my own suggestions, but they often don't work for me because I don't have the desire to eat well when I am dining out in the first place.

The problem is deeper than that. The problem stems from this conditioned belief I seem to have that it is impossible to have a really good time if you are depriving yourself. You can have a good time, but every deprivation decision you make lowers the threshold of fun just a bit, and I like to maximize my fun. So I ignore everything that is "common sense" and become a "pig for a night".

Yes it is great that I get right back on track fairly often now but why I am a pig in the first place? It is a choice.

People also say in meetings that you go out with friends to enjoy their company, and it is not really for the food. Sure it makes sense, but I enjoy people's company more whenever I am eating and drinking whatever the hell I want. I still haven't figured out how to change that. How to make a different choice.

I do know that I want to change and that means that the change is possible. For now I am going to try and stop thinking of this choice as a "weight loss" choice and try thinking of it as a "health choice". I am going to try and imagine my body trying to process everything I order, and imagine what will happen if the choices I make end up stuck in my colon for years (which can happen).

We are going to a Japanese restaurant with friends for dinner tonight. I am not going to focus on low fat but on healthy. Let's hope I succeed and make the RIGHT choices.

My tracker for yesterday is at the end of this blog (click the image to enlarge it). I was only one point over my daily Weight Watcher's point allowance. Real happy with that. You may notice that there is Smart Pop Popcorn and a packaged Smoothie on the list. Both are processed, but I already had them in the house so they are still in keeping with my commitment not to bring any new processed food into the home (food for our Bed and Breakfast guests will be the exception as they still will want their breads and cereals etc., and frankly processed is easier and cheaper from a business perspective and it is what they generally want. We are happy to give guests healthier options when we see they are people would want and appreciate that on their vacation stay with us).

What choices are you making? The right ones?

Be healthy

Alan

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