What An Emotional Meeting! Support Is Everything

Yesterday, was perhaps, one of the most emotional meetings I have attended.

Half the people there were crying...yes...including me.

It's all Crystal and Pam's fault.

The meeting started out like a normal one and people were celebrating their successes on the scale. All of the sudden Crystal is waving her hand like crazy....and she says...I am so excited I can't hold it in!

To step back a bit, Crystal has struggled for a long time. I believe she said the latest journey at WW has been over ten years. She keeps trying, but taking the weight off has been hard. Yesterday she reached the point where she had lost 10% of her weight (an important percentage of weight loss from a health perspective) and she had managed to lose 25 pounds!

When you have been working at it for SO long, to reach a goal can sometimes be overwhelming. It was certainly overwhelming for Crystal. She brought her son to take pictures of her getting her award for losing 10% as well as her award for losing 25 pounds. She litteraly ran up to the front of the class and talked about how excited she was and all the exercise she has been doing. I don't know if I can say that I have ever seen anyone more sincerely excited about their success. She literally brought us to tears.

For the first time ever, I witnessed someone getting a standing ovation at Weight Watchers. Good on you!

It just goes to show you, it is not always about the reaching the final goal or even the total amount you have lost. You don't need to lose 50 pounds, 100 pounds, or even 25 pounds for that matter, to be successful. You just need to have reached a milestone toward your ultimate goal. Crystal did that yesterday...and I am sure she is going to get herself to what ever ultimate goal she sets for herself...one step at a time.

Right up after Crystal was Pamela who's name you might recognize from her comment postings on this blog (either directly on the Blog or on the "Facebook" version of it).

Pamela is one of the most determined members there. She has a goal..and she is going to reach it. She sure proved it last night as she celebrated losing over 75 pounds!!! Unbelievable.

If you need inspiration...just look to Pamela. She says she succeeds by constantly saying to herself: "Im worth it". Clearly she is. Congratulations!

I am not sure if Cindy (member Cindy not leader Cindy) reads this blog...but I don't care how much she says she hasn't...she has lost weight...you look fabulous Cindy!

If nothing else yesterday's meeting reinforced how important it is to have a support group. Going it alone is just too hard...and in my case...impossible. I know I would fail if I tried to do it alone.

So I must thank my WW friends and everyone reading this blog. You are my support group.

What an incredible group of people you are.

Be healthy!

Alan

I'm Feeling Good....That's Dangerous!

I feel good today.

Last night my clients got a great price for their property and that makes me real happy.

On the Weight Watcher ads currently appearing, Jennifer Hudson (who looks fabulous no matter what she weighs but is an inspiration on so many levels) sings "It's a new dawn, it's a new day...it's a new life...for me...and I'm feeling good".

Feeling good can swing both ways.

When you are feeling good because you are eating well...it keeps you motivated to KEEP eating well.

When you aren't eating well to begin with...but your feeling good...that's dangerous.

Stress eating and happy eating are both dangerous territory.

Yesterday I was in danger of stress eating, but I managed pretty good...not great...bur pretty good.

Today I am in danger of happy eating.

What can I do about it?

I think there are really only two things I can do:

1) Track every single thing that goes in my mouth (and by the way...you just need a pen and paper to do this...you don't have to be on WW so if your not on WW but you are in the same position as me...I think you still need to track what you eat).
2) Be aware. Just the knowledge that you are in danger territory will sometimes keep you out of trouble.

My goal today is to do both. Wish me luck, and....

Be healthy!

Alan

Going Through The Motions

Do you ever do things but your heart isn't in it.

I have been doing that for a while.

The thing is...I have done it a million times before...I don't like it but I know enough to know that things will turn around as long as you just hang in there.

I am still exercising. It isn't exciting me right now but I won't stop.

I am eating ok, but am the victim of temptation too often. The will power isn't strong enough and I cave.

The old stand-by expressions like "am I worth it?" are just rolling off my shoulders. It is like they have no meaning.

So what do I do? How do I get re-motivated.

Sadly, after all these years I still don't know the answer to that. I know that, like always, something has to change. But what is the change that will turn things around this time? I still don't know.

What I do know though is that giving up us not an option. As long as I keep trying I WILL succeed. I am not sure where, when, or what, will turn me around, but I am sure something will.

It is just as matter of time...and I will NOT give up trying.

There is comfort in that knowledge.


Be healthy!

Alan

I Want It....But Do I Really Need It?

I need to remember to ask myself that question a lot more.

Yesterday Jamie got an IPAD 2. He had been anticipating it for months. He really wanted it and was determined to get it the first day it came on the market.

The thing is the IPAD2 really makes sense for Jamie. There is a need.

For instance, he will sometimes have guests at our B&B who say they want breakfast at 8 and don't show up at the table until 9:30. He gets stuck in the kitchen waiting, but with the iPad 2 he can use the computer easily while he waits. He can also check things out for guests online easily.

It makes sense.

I have an opportunity to have an IPad 2 as well. He was able to get four of them so we will resell some (hopefully at a profit) and if I wish I can keep one.

I want it. It is quite cool. I am actually typing today's blog on one.

The question is. Do I need it?

If I am being honest with myself there is a big difference between WANT and NEED. I don't really know what I would use it for. I have my computer at home, I have an iPhone, and I have a laptop for business while traveling and to use if I need to access a computer at a client site.

To make it even more unnecessary for me, the real estate state system I work on wont actually run on an IPAD. It is PC based and I don't think you can run a PC on an IPAD like you can on a MAC.

So this is the bottom line. The more I use it to type this blog the more I want it, but it is a totally unnecessary temptation. It does not serve any useful purpose for me, and I don't need it. It will taste good....but only for a while....then it will probably sit around taking up space on my desk.

I never thought I would compare technology to food but it really is the same thing.

I eat half the crap I eat because I want it. I don't need it.

Sure it tastes good...for a while, but when I am done with it it doesn't disappear. It sits around taking up space in my stomach.

I really need to learn to focus on what I need and not on what I want when it comes to all things in life.

It is hard....the more I use this IPAD...the better it tastes.

Be healthy!

Alan

If You Want It Badly Enough You Have To Do What You Have To Do

My spouse inspired me today.

He realized that the only way to ensure he got what he wanted was to do what he had to do.

His goal is very different than mine. He wanted the Ipad 2, and he didn't want it in a month...he wanted it today...today is launch day in Canada.

Given the shortages that have occurred in the United States and the fact that 40% of the chips for it are produced in Japan...and production has been halted...he was concerned that if supplies run out it might be a very long wait before the product is available again.

So he thought about it, made the decision on how to attain his goal, and did what he had to do.

How did he do it? He lined up for it 17 hours early and stayed outside for hours last night in the blistering cold. He was wearing gloves but said his fingers had totally frozen.

He doesn't have it yet...it goes on sale in another 4 1/2 hours, but he is 33rd in line to get it when the selling begins so I am sure he will attain his goal.

My thoughts on the matter are twofold.

On the one hand...I think he's nuts. I don't think I would stand out in the freezing cold for anything I could get EVENTUALLY, if I ordered it on line.

On the other hand...I admire him. He saw his goal, what he had to do to achieve it, and he went for it.

Bottom line: He did what he had to do to reach his goal.

I need to stay focused on my goal. I am not going to reach it by playing mind games with myself when the only person I am fooling is me.

It is time...yes...again...to focus and decide how badly I want. it.

I want it....and I am going to get it.

Jamie will get the Ipad2 today...and I WILL get thin. Not today...that is impossible...but I WILL get thin.

Be Healthy!

Alan

News From The Invalid

Ok...I am hardly an invalid...but I did pull my back out..it sucks.

Today is better than yesterday so tomorrow will be even better still. Walking around actually isn't to bad as long as I don't stop doing it.

If I stay still for a period of time, then getting the body to work again is pure agony.

I guess I am getting a taste of what it is like to NOT be able to exercise.

I don't like it. I am already trying to figure out what I can safely do...but don't worry...I will do no exercise today. Tomorrow...maybe.

I think I have come to the conclusion that I am very patient with others but have little patience with myself. I want everything now!

I want to be able to exercise...I want my weight back off NOW...and I want to stop doing the yo yo thing.

Someday things have to stabilize...don't they?

A good friend of mine commented that there may actually be something in the past that is haunting me. I seem to be able to take myself sooooo close to a new lifestyle and then I do something to sabotage it. It is almost like I purposely sabotage myself.

The question is...why?

He is going to take me to an angel next week to find out why....that is the honest to goodness truth.

Will explain more next week.

Be healthy!

Alan

There Is No Time

Sometimes time just doesn't exist. It is a race against the clock.

Yesterday and today are like that.

Food can become a challenge in these scenarios and it was for me yesterday.

I did the best I could (well..I could have done a lot better but at least I didn't do as bad as I could).

Breakfast and lunch were the same: A wrap with steak, mustard and lettuce.

Dinner was a Swiss Chalet chicken dinner with a baked Potato (but I ate the skin).

No real fruits or vegetables...but I survived.

I don't think today will be much different. I have been up working since 4:30AM and my last appointment starts at 7pm tonight.

It a short blog today but needed to write something to remind myself to remain as food conscious as a can.

Be healthy!

Alan

I am down 7000 Pounds!

Truthfully.

I am down 7000 pounds. I am sure of it. That is my total weight loss to date.

Ok I estimated but I am sure it is not far from accurate.

Over the course of my life I am positive I have lost 7000 pounds.

Of course I have also gained 7000 pounds but we won't mention that.

The fact that I have lost that much means that I have never really given up. I may have taken breaks for a year or two but I have never really given up...and I never will.

Will there still be breaks? Yeah...sadly there will.

They will not, however, be for as long a period a time. WW, my friends, and this blog will keep me on track.

So here is to NEVER really giving up.

I am down three pounds this week. I hope it takes me a lot longer to lose the next 7000 pounds.

Be healthy!

Alan

Who Am I Anyway?

Do you ever ask yourself that question?

I spend so much time trying to be the person I want myself to be that I sometimes forget who I am.

It reminds me of a song from the musical A Chorus Line: "Who am I anyway...am I my resume? That is a picture of a person I don't know".

It really is something interesting to ponder. I think, at 47 years old, I am only just beginning to find out who I am.

Am I changing?

Perhaps...perhaps not.

Perhaps I am trying too hard to become the picture of health that is not me. Perhaps though, I am trying to find the real me, and cast off all the psychological hang-ups that drive me to consume vast quantities of unhealthy food.

So the question remains...who am I anyway?

I do not know the answer to that question. I only know that from a health perspective I like the way a healthier person feels so much better. I also like the confidence that comes with being a thinner, healthier person.

I hope that "me" is not the insecure guy constantly putting food in his mouth and trying to please everyone and make them laugh.

I hope that there is more to me than that.

I feel there is...I like myself nowadays. I don't know if that sounds conceited but I don't really care.

I am worth the journey. Are you?

Gee..I guess my confidence in life has grown.

Be healthy! I was yesterday :-)

Alan 

Slow and Steady She Goes

I am trying something new.

Actually that is a lie. It is just kind of happening.

I am NOT doing anything drastic for a change. I am just being more logical in my choices. Slowly she does it.

I don't really have time to think about food too much right now. Nor do I have a lot of time
to plan...so instead of focusing on good choices I am trying not to make bad choices.

It may not be quite as healthy, but at least it is less"bad" and I am at least ensuring I get a good multi-vitamin in twice a day.

So slow and steady she goes.

I am getting to the gym regularly so that is in check.

This may be the most boring blog I have written (I know you are thinking ...."no it's not...there are much worse" LOL ) but hopefully it still has some sort of message.

Every now and then, a little "boring" may be a good thing.

Be healthy!

Alan

It's hard to focus

Watching the events unfold in Japan makes it hard to make anything else seem important.

Although I do not believe I know anyone in direct danger, it is affecting humans and the environment and that makes it feel personal.

Watching what I put in my mouth seems so irrelevant in comparison to mass destruction, death, and the prospect of a nuclear meltdown.

I know better though. This was the frame of mind I had when my parents passed away (they passed away 9 months apart).

Before their passing I had lost 54 pounds.

After there passing, food seemed irrelevant...so I paid no attention...and I gained the 54 pounds back plus more.

I won't allow that to happen again.

The situation in Japan is upsetting. I can hardly watch it but have trouble going too long with an update status. I woke up several times in the night dreaming of various forms of people dying. It is clearly on my mind. My prayers go out to everyone.

It is so easy to make it an excuse though. I won't permit that to happen. I will not eat my way through this horrible tragedy.

My thoughts are with the people of Japan, but they are also with everyone in the world today. This is a small world and we are all connected.

Be healthy,

Alan

Pushing Myself Through The F***ing Barrier

I am doing it. I am getting back on track. Totally against the little devil on my shoulders desires.

My little devil can go to hell. 

The little devil on my shoulder is trying so hard to win over the mind completely and tempt me to eat more crap. It wants me to have instant gratification so that it can joyously watch me feel like crap later.

It is not going to win. I am NOT going to let it.

Sometimes motivational feelings just aren't there. If motivation isn't there than a strategy based on feeling motivated isn't going to work.

That is when you plain and simply have to say to yourself: "I am going to hate this for a few days but damn it...I am going to do it. 

Excuse the language but in my world determination is enhanced with foul words. If I am "motivated" I don't need the language, but if I have to substitute motivation with determination I will cuss my way through it. That f***ing devil is going down. 

It is no match for me.

So determination is the name of the game. If I can stay determined just a little longer the devil will be gone.

"I will get you my pretty"!

Be healthy!

Alan

Sometimes You Have To Face The Music

Avoidance gets you in trouble. That is the lesson of the day.

Blog followers may remember that when I returned from Mexico, I guestimated that I had gained about 12 pounds on vacation. A lot I know...but not the absolute end of the world.

I knew I was going to have to miss the next WW meeting at my normal centre for logistical reasons, but vowed to find another centre in Toronto to weigh in at. I didn't do this.

I didn't weigh in at the next two WW meetings either. I knew I was "up" and didn't want to face the music.

I kept saying to myself "I will weigh in next week after I have lost a few".

At last weeks meeting a few people asked me how my week went (including my leader). I told everyone I hadn't weighed in yet but would weigh in before I left. I knew in my heart this wasn't going to happen.

I was really good for a little while with my P90X adventure (which is going to restart) but I quickly fell off the wagon again.

So yesterday I decided enough was enough and I was going to force myself to face the music. I stepped on the scale at WW last night.

I think my guestimate that I had gained 12 pounds in Mexico was right, but by not actually stepping on a scale and facing this reality I managed to pack on an additional 7 pounds in the next three weeks. So here I sit...up 19 pounds since I left for Mexico.

How do I feel about it? Physically I feel gross...but that is not from the news that I gained 19 pounds, that is from eating crap.

Emotionally I am not upset...I am actually relieved.

Obviously I am not relieved that I gained that much weigh, but I am relieved that I now know my reality and am facing it.

The good thing about a lifestyle change is that there is no dreaded feeling of going back to a "diet". I simply have to go back to the way I should be eating in the first place.

Yes...it will take a while to lose it again...but this is a life long journey. I am hoping I have plenty of time left.

Be Healthy!


Alan

Returning To Balance

Yesterday was an OK day. I am not going to pretend it was a great day as I don't even think I ate a piece of fruit or a vegetable, but I did get back to normal portion size and I stayed within my allowable WW points.

I am considering yesterday and today transition days.

When you eat too many carbs for too many days I think your body starts to crave them in excess and there are only two ways to turn it around:

1) Transition out of if by eating fewer carbs each day.

2) Go cold turkey and cut out carbs for a couple of days.

Normally I would go for option 2, but normally I am more motivated.

I am going for option one this time and transitioning myself back to health. I am going to be out of the house from about 10:30AM until I hit the bed tonight which makes it harder, but I am determined to at least track and stay within my allowable point range.

Making sure I get the proper level of fruits and vegetables will begin tomorrow.

I'm getting there.

One thing that is really proving to work for me is the bi-monhtly picture I have committed to posting of me in shorts only, no matter what, on the 12th day of ever other month. April 12th will be here before I know it and the fear of having to post a picture of myself going in the wrong direction is snapping me back into shape.

If I don't smarten up now, I will be in trouble on photo day.

It just goes to show that goals publicly can influence behaviour.

Be healthy!

Alan

The Feeling That You Are Losing Control

Man I wish I could be the perfect person all the time so that I could sit here and type this blog and say "do what I am doing...it works!".

The truth is that it DOES work...not everyday...but in the long run...it works.

Sometimes the roller coaster takes a fast ride down hill and it is not a ride you want to be on. You DO NOT want to be where I am now.

I am, yet again, struggling...and gaining. I keep making up excuses as to why I will get back on track "tomorrow".

Today's excuse is that we are going out for dinner tonight. I know, I know...it is an excuse..not a reason...I am making excuses.

I will find the strength to overcome...and get back on track...but I hate it when I play this game with myself.

Be healthier than me,

Alan

Smack Me Into Shape Please

Hi all!

First of all I want to thank you for your emails yesterday and your posts on this blog and Facebook. It was not only much needed, it confirmed for me that people actually are reading this blog! LOL

Anyway, you helped me over a major hurdle yesterday. Thanks to you I have realized that the decision as to whether or not to proceed with my pursuit of the designation of Certified Nutritional Practitioner is not an "all or nothing" scenario. I will just take courses that interest me, when I have the time to take them, and let life unfold. It sure takes the pressure off.

Now I need your help AGAIN.

The process I just went through was a necessary one, but, sadly, when I went through it every old habit in the book came back and I ate my way through it...and I mean ATE my way through it. I had chocolate bars (yes plural), Nacho Chips, Coke, Pizza, Ketchup Chips and god knows what else. I didn't have them in the house....I actually went out and bought them and/or ordered in. It was like I was on auto-pilot....I wasn't even thinking about what I was doing to myself...until last night when I started feeling totally disgusting.

So now I have to pick myself up and start again. All that work on my P90X program and I am back to day 1.

There is only one shred of good news in this and that is that I am not beating myself up. I am so relieved to have gone through the decision making process that I am feeling positive.

It just means that I am...once again...starting over....sigh.

What a journey this is indeed. Please send positive health vibes.

Be healthy!

Alan

Dropping Out?

I know I said I wasn't going to write a blog until Tuesday but I am doing some serious reflecting.

I have completed about 1/3 of the program at The Institute of Holistic Nutrition in my quest to become a Registered Nutritional Practitioner.

I am trying to decide of I want to complete the program.

The problem is it is eating up my life and as much as I do not want to admit it it is impacting my current career and it is affecting the inflow of money. My current clients have never suffered but I have no time to pursue new business and  rely completley on referrals at the present time. Thank goodness for referrals!

Spending two days a week in school until 2pm and then doing assignments, reading, and studying for exams takes an incredible amount of time. I have managed to do it for a year, but it would realistically take me two more years to complete the program and I am wondering if it is worth it...or if I even have it in me.

In terms of a career change it isn't really viable. The chances of my replacing my Real Estate income with "Nutritionist" income is remote at best.

So why am I doing this program?

It started as a desire for self-knowledge, then it became a goal to use this information to help others once I graduate.

I still want the knowledge and I still want to help others but I am wondering if this is really the best way.

From self knowledge perspective I have always felt that knowing where to get information is just as important as having it. I now know where to get information and I know so many Nutritionists I have great resources. My friend Anthony is the best resource there is out there I think.

From a "helping others" perspective the question really becomes whether I would set up my own practice post-graduation or not. If I am not setting up my own practice there are lots of ways to help others without the official designation of "nutritionist".

As much as I like the idea, setting up my own practice probably isn't viable. It can be expensive, will take a lot of time, and at the end of the day, it is unlikely to replace my Real Estate income.

So the question becomes...do I keep going for two more years, or do I give up the concept of being a Registered Nutritional Practitioner and simply take courses in nutrition when the topics interest me?

I would, for example, love to devote more time to taking nutritional cooking courses.

I have not made a decision yet but I am leaning toward dropping out.

Thoughts anyone?

Be healthy,

Alan

BLOG BREAK - PRIORITIES RULE

Hi All

Forgive me (or breath a sigh of relief) but I am not going to be able to blog again until Tuesday. Too much on the go.

Whether you like it or not though...I WILL be back :-)

Alan

Should I care about weight?

I have to be honest with you...I am struggling.

Not so much with being motivated. I am still pretty motivated, but I have been struggling with the whole question of whether or not I care about what I weigh anymore.

I have been relatively stable for about a year now. I have still fluctuated by twenty pounds, but for me that actually is not that wide a swing. That is probably the "stability" swing I will have for the rest of my life.

It is also probably the most stable I have been, and for the longest period of time, in my "post teen" life.

I am eating well (most of the time), working out, and I'm happy.

I do still have a tummy though. The problem is that diet won't "spot reduce". Maybe exercise is a better focus for this than weight loss? Maybe it is still both.

I know I can't forget about weight...doing that is almost an assured ride back to fatville.

I also know I will go to WW the rest of my life. I need it to stay in check. Besides...I like it and I like the people there.

Whether I am up or down from week to week, however, is mattering less and less to me.

I am trying to build up muscle too so what does a weight gain mean? Is it good or bad? I honestly can't tell anymore.

I know what your thinking...I say this now...but in three weeks I will be blogging about how I need to "focus" to bring my weight down.

I guess that is why I am struggling.

Weight doesn't matter so much anymore but it clearly matters.

Does that make any sense at all? It's confusing the heck out of myself.

Be healthy!

Alan

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER - AGAIN

I don't often repeat a blog (although I can get repetitive I know). This is my favourite blog though and I think I will repeat it once a year.

So here is my republished blog (I have altered it ever so slightly):

Yes folks. That is what I said. TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER!. That is a decision I have to make and I cannot wait a day longer.

You see, I made a promise to myself at the end of last summer. I spent last summer, as I always do, going to BBQs with friends, meeting people at restaurants, having dinner parties etc., and yes...drinking wine :-) I LOVE the summer!

Throughout the entire period, however, I went to my weekly Weight Watcher's meetings and bitched about how HARD it was to lose weight at this time of year because the summer is full of events and get-togethers are planned so last minute it just makes the whole season so "unpredictable".

Then....at the end of the summer I had this realization. SUMMER IS THE SAME EVERY YEAR! There are always BBQs, there are always restaurants, there are always dinner parties, and yes...there is ALWAYS wine!

Guess what that means? It means that in actual fact summer is the MOST predictable time of the year. I may not know exactly when things are going to happen but I can be pretty damn sure they are indeed going to happen!

When I realized this, I vowed to remember it this summer. I knew that the only way of coping with the perpetual "unknown" is to be prepared for it, and that means being good (and healthy) every single minute of the season that is not an "event".

It is so easy for me to go out for dinner one night and then not worry about breakfast and lunch the next day because I'm going out again the next night. What's the point right?

The warm weather is coming...trust me.....and with it...the socializing...so the summer plan must kick into place....now! I cannot wait one day longer! I know it seems too early but it is like Christmas...it seems so far away and then it is here. Once it is here it is too late.

So from this second until the end of September I am going to do my best to be smart about my food choices every single time I am on my own or it is just Jamie and I.

I want to look awesome when the weather gets really warm too and that won't happen if I don't focus right now.

Of course I need to try to make healthy choices at social events too...but lets face it...it is going to be more fattening, so planning around these events is critical!

Wish me luck and....be healthy!

Alan