It is really important that you read today's Blog

Today's Blog is a really good one. One of the best I think. I can say this without bias because I didn't write it.

I received a blog response from a friend two days ago and I cried.

I cried because of what my friend did to himself, I cried because of its honesty, I cried because I could relate to it, and I cried because of the positive message it sent overall.

It is quite a personal message, I think, but with his permission I am re-posting it here.

I think we all have so much to share, and if nothing else we can find comfort in knowing that at the end of the day, we are not that different. Our similarities allow us to support one another with sincerity.

My friend's message:

Firstly let me start by saying that I love reading your blog and it has really helped to inspire me to get back into a frame of mind where I gain control of my own weight. 

Like you, I have struggled for years to control my food habits and it’s a war I refuse to quit, even when at times, I do lose some battles! I was particularly interested to read your latest blog about being ‘born again’ and I wanted to show you some support with what I think I know you are going through. 

So a year ago, I hit my all time highest weight of 234 lbs and my doctor said I should be around 154 lbs which according to him was the probable cause of my slipped disc in my back and my slightly elevated blood pressure. The result of this consultation – I went out and ate anything sweet and bad I could find until I felt sick. At that point I felt so low I went to the toilet and did something I’d never done before – I wanted to punish myself for being so weak and I emptied my stomach. 

At that moment as I kneeled by the basin, I knew I had to stop this cycle of abuse and try to take back control over my own body. I had a moment of complete clarity about why I am the way I am and how I should deal with my ‘way of being’. I now accept that I have food dysmorphia and I know that I panic with food to the point where I will become irrational about how much of it I need. I even think that I have worked out where it all stems from and to that point I feel better equipped to deal with the issues that arise from my relationship with food. 

I chose to think of myself as an addict – “I am a food dysmorphic but I haven’t allowed my portions to get out of hand today!” I also accept that I will fall short at times and lose that particular battle, but I now refuse to let a failure define me and therefore, damage my future successes. It’s hard to fight the good fight, but I know that it is something I must always be aware of – it is a part of me that I deny at my peril. 

So over the course of a year, I’ve managed to lose 17 lbs which is a good start but believe me, I’ve had a dozen new beginnings during this time... However, despite being ‘re-born’ many times and feeling disappointed by my lost battles, I am now considerably lighter than I was in January of this year AND had I not had the courage to keep fighting, I actually believe that I would be weighing in at around 250 lbs now and unable to do up my own laces properly let along enjoy a confident social life. 

I now see that it is BECAUSE of my lost battles that my considerable success has had more meaning to me. Most powerfully of all, now when I slip, I don’t find that I spiral into a bottomless pit, but after a few days I accept that the battle is over and I plan my next one (only this time I will win!). 

My friend, you have been fighting the good fight and you have had so many victories! The fact that you dust yourself down when you lose a battle defines you as being strong. You live a varied and full life and that will mean from time to time you may move down a path that you hadn’t planned – but that is part of the fun! But like all interesting detours, eventually you get back onto the main road and cover a huge distance. 

Five steps forward and two steps back is still great progress with diversity and life experiences! Sometimes the ‘bad moments’ took me away from my weight loss goal, but my life would have been poorer for it not to have happened. 

I know I will get there in good time and so will you my friend. Give yourself permission to be a health warrior – as long as you win more battles than you lose, you will be victorious! 



I am so glad my friend sent me this message. I could never have written anything better. It is so raw, and so truly honest. We can all learn from it I think.


Please share this blog with anyone you know who might find supporting words in his message.


Be healthy,


Alan

Avoidance

Are you avoiding doing what you need to do?

I have spent my entire morning doing everything imaginable except what I know I need to do.

Although the experience, for me, doesn't really apply to weight issues right now, it did get me thinking about the number of times I have avoided being healthy. Something as simple as a function that night or even two nights from now can be enough to convince myself that I might as well wait and restart things AFTER the function.

This time of year though, there is function after function after function. The kind of mentality I am speaking of can make you look back in January and say "what happened?!!!".

So the message is "Don't Delay....Start Today".

Be Healthy,

Alan

Cleaning For Health

Do you ever allow things in your home to get a little too messy? I do. The third floor of our house sometimes looks like a bomb hit it. It's actually quite a pity because I think it is a really nice floor when it's clean.

I think everything gets messed up when it is messy.

We tend to entertain up there (the lower three floors of our house are a Bed and Breakfast so staying on the third floor means we can entertain friends without bumping into guests) so when it is messy, we go out for dinner with friends instead of having them over for a healthier evening.

When the third floor is a mess, my work is everywhere and it is harder for me to focus. I still get everything I need to get done, done, but the extra things I don't have to do usually slip.

Most importantly I don't feel like things are in a good place and if things aren't "feeling right" I tend not to eat right.

So...yesterday I cleaned up the third floor. We have a little kitchenette up there. It now contains only healthy food, drinks, vitamins etc.. I used to keep everything from alcohol to windex  to tools in the cupboards of that area. No more.

We have created  our own personal health centre. It is even in the perfect location for Feng Shui. It is in the area of the house that represents "Health and Family".

I put up the "Vision Board" I created for my Nutrition Course too.

With a clean, and Feng Shui correct, environment I will succeed. :-)

Yesterday I said I would post my tracker daily and I will do that. I have done it but I can't post it until later in the day as I need to scan it and it is so early right now I am afraid I will wake the B&B guests up. The scanner can be kind of noisy.

Be healthy!

Alan

A New Member - Again

I have skipped a few days of blogging. Things got out of control workwise and although they weren't disastrous the last few days were not great.

I almost blogged yesterday. It's probably a good thing I didn't. I was angry...well...not angry...that implies violence...maybe disappointed is a better word...strongly disappointed. I was disappointed because I had managed to let things slide...AGAIN! Now I have to work to get back on track...again. Crap.

I have been better the last few days but I still feel like crap. I feel....well...I feel fat...there I said it...I hate that feeling.

I am going to start tracking properly again today and post my tracker on the blog. My tracker probably bores you so I won't talk about the specifics of what I eat too much. I may not even mention the tracker, but I am going to post it for me. If I have to post it I have to do it.

Right now my December 12th picture post isn't looking like it is going to be too pretty. It's unbelievable how quickly I gain. Fortunately I can still lose quickly if I really want to...so there is hope.

I have decided that today I am a new member. I am starting fresh. Not just a new member at Weight Watchers...a new member in life.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I have woken up with the strong conviction that healthy eating is normal for me. It is normal for the me that was born today.

I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I will consider myself "born again".

Be healthy,

Alan

December 11th Is Approaching...Why aren't I panicking

Last week I committed to posting my picture in just shorts on December 11th and every two months after that. It isn't that far away. After the week I have had I should be panicking. I'm not. Why not?

A little panic can be good I think. It snaps you back into shape. I was pretty good yesterday, but I need to undue the damage I did over the last few days. Just because I said I am no longer going to focus on weight doesn't mean I should stop paying attention. When I overdo I have to undo.

So...being good today isn't good enough. I need to undo and that means back to weight loss mentality for a bit. Funny...I was so sure I would never have to go back. You would think by now I would know better.

Tonight is our WW meeting and to be honest I need to go this week more than usual but I can't...work is eating up every moment of time right now.

I will be good though. I will be back on weight loss plan effective this second and I will be back to WW next Wednesday.

Be healthy,

Alan

Making Excuses

I know I am going to be told I am making excuses. It is ok...because I am...or rather I did...to myself.

I am not even going to try to pretend I didn't.

I haven't blogged for two days because I have been sooooo busy...I mean busy as in about four hours sleep a night, racing the clock every second and eating whatever I could get as quickly as possible.

Financially it has been fantastic...I have had a great week...the best I have ever had actually....mentally and foodwise...perhaps the worst.

Yesterday for instance, I was up at 4AM preparing paperwork and doing analysis for offers. At 9:30AM I was attending a three hour home inspection on a property listed at $1.4 million. I raced straight from that to my office to spend the afternoon accepting offers on one of my seller's listings. It wasn't an expensive property (by Toronto standards)...$329,000, and it had issues, but it got 9 offers which meant a lot of work on my part and it sold above list price. I went straight from that into placing an offer on the property that was listed for $1.4 million. Believe it or not it went multiple offer too. The process didn't finish until midnight but we got it. We had to pay over $1.5 Million for it but we got it and my Buyers are absolutely thrilled.

So now comes reflection day. Did I have a choice? Yes. Did I make the right choice? No.

I am sure I am "up" weight-wise, and I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Today I am preparing a listing to go to market tomorrow so I am still busy but I think I can get back in control.

Not sure what the point of my blog is today to be honest. Just reflection I guess. I won't say it was "worth it" but my focus was where it needed to be and I got the job done.

Now I am still busy but the craziness will be a bit better so I have to be healthy today.

Having said that it is 4:00AM and I am up and working. Went to bed three and half hours ago. I just have so much to do my mind is racing. I will have a nap later. I will have to.

I guess it boils down to the same old thing. When you fall off the wagon get back on as quickly as you possibly can.

Be healthy!

Alan

Do your remember the way it used to be?

I went to a gym yesterday. I know that in itself is no surprise but I went to a different gym located out by a house I have listed for sale.

It was an interesting experience. The gym itself was very clean and well presented and the equipment was running ok. There wasn't really much I could complain about but the equipment was not as advanced as the equipment I have in my current gym.

As I was using the equipment it occurred to me that at one time...not that long ago....this WAS the equipment I had to work with and I thought it was just fine. It did the job. Not that great...but it did what I needed it to do.

Now that I have had the opportunity to experience the newer equipment, however, I realize how much more efficient it is. How much more I am able to do, and how truly limiting the old equipment was.

I think that once you start the journey toward health you go through a similar thing. You become more efficient...almost "reborn". You can do things you could not do before. Things a simple as cutting your own toenails. You are new.

The unfortunate thing is that we forget too easily where we have come from. We forget what life used to be like, and how much better we are now. We get frustrated because we are not where we want to be instead of seeing how far we have come.

I wish I could have the same experience I had at this gym with my own body. I wish, for one day (please universe...I said ONE DAY) I could go back to the old me so I could remember what it was like. I know I functioned...I probably recognized I wasn't totally efficient but I was able to do what had to be done. I was not, however, efficient. I didn't feel as good as I feel now and I couldn't function the way I can now. I have become the newer and more efficient equipment.

Am I perfect?  Heavens no...a long way to go...but I am so much better.

If you are on this journey with me stop and reflect on how much you HAVE accomplished instead of how far you have to go and give yourself a pat on the back.

If you haven't started the journey yet. Ask yourself why not? Do you really want to continue struggling to get even even the simplest things done. Do you really want to lack energy? You don't have to. The time to change it all is now...not later.

Ok...enough ranting. Those who read my Facebook page yesterday will know I had a chocolate meltdown. I went back and tracked my points allowance for Weight Watchers though and I am totally fine. I used my 35 extra points as well as activity points but I am still "on plan". It was a totally permitted indulgence. Soooo...from a weight loss perspective...no issue. From a nutrition/health perspective...I do regret doing it.

We are all permitted to indulge, but it was silly nonsensical indulgence.

I am not going to beat myself up for it. Just live and learn.

Today is a new day with a new beginning.

Be healthy!

Alan